Have you ever thought about something so much that it ends up becoming just another big blur of despair? I’ve been thinking about him again. Actually, it’s not even just him anymore. It’s really everything put together. I really want to just dig a hole and hide in it forever. I can’t even distinguish what I’m unhappy about anymore. It’s like I need to move on but I can’t; can’t put it all behind me and pretend it never happened.
I feel like everything is so disorganized in my life now. I want to sort it all out again (like I’ve always been able to) but it’s becoming harder and harder to fit all the pieces back together. It doesn’t even take anything big to send my world into a downward spiral. I just cannot find all the pieces anymore.
All the people who have been able to help me before have dissapeared and I feel like I’m suffocating underneath this…this immense weight. There are so many things I need to keep going and it’s like I’m fighting a constant uphill battle with no return. I need to get away. I need to get away from this place. This house. This country. This world. I need to go some place where no one knows me or expects anything from me. I need to stop worrying and thinking about everything. I need everything to just STOP!
Even Eternity 
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